Hang in there

Putting this here just for my revision.

Lucky, lucky me.

Thank you Allah, for all the amazing people I've met with. 

Especially you.

I wish nothing but the best for all of us. 

Blessed.

Sieze it

Dia bagi jalan.
Siap penunjuk arah.
Kalau tak ambil sekarang, nanti sesat lagi.
Kalau tak ambil sekarang, bila lagi?
Kalau tak ambil sekarang, sempatkah nanti?
Ada ke nanti?

Pasti?

Alhamdulillah.

Thank you Allah. Just when I need it most.

Indeed, You know better.

#99

Time to get serious! 

Fatigue

This post is going to have negativity oozing out of it. Read at your own risk.

I'm struggling. To be on track, to keep moving forward. To be frank I feel like I'm alone on this journey. I don't know who to turn to, who to ask for directions when I'm lost. Everytime I did get lost, I felt so upset, so disappointed with myself, like what happened today. 

Allah, this is tiring. 

You thought you have find your way, that you are moving forward, only to find out you're somehow back to where you originally started. Back to square one. Failure sucks. 

I did not expect perfection, or even huge improvements. Never did. What I aimed for was perhaps small improvements - baby steps, as they say. To achieve that is one thing, but to maintain it or istiqamah; Allah, I need all the help I can get.

I hate expectations because I hate letting people down. I really really really hate it when I did not perform up to par. It's hard as I'm starting to fall in love - and letting loved ones down, especially Him, The Almighty is the last thing I need. 

Allah, I only have You.

Guilty pleasure

I'm probably the only girl who still reads manga at this age. 

-.-"
Kasi can lah, I have stopped reading all the others, I swear.

Although the ending is obvious, just bear with me until this one's finished, will you?

Fear of the unknown

There was one time my dear friend F asked me how would I feel if I were to marry someone I don't really know. I told her, she shouldn't be asking me. My perspective on this is quite different from the rest of the world. She wanted to hear my answer still.

"It doesn't really matter to me".

It used to be. I used to worry about the possibility of marrying someone I barely knew. How are we supposed to live with a stranger? Weird, right. Now, though, I simply don't care.

I told F matter-of-factly:

"You can be married to your long-time boyfriend/girlfriend but ended up getting a divorce anyway". 

Being married is an entirely different story from being a couple, I was told by a friend. However since I'm not married (yet), I don't think I am qualified to talk more on this. Hehe.

S, a friend of mine was once in the same dilemma. She was at a crossroad: two guys asked for her hand at the same time. She had known guy A for years, on the other hand she had just met B and never even had a proper conversation with him.

For most, this is a no-brainer, they told her she should go with A. Why take the risk of exploring unknown terrains?

The old me would say the same thing. The new me, though, can only come up with the cliché, "Just follow what your heart says."

To elaborate on that: First, ask for His guidance (because He knows best) and then make the decision. The last part is the most difficult though - to have faith. To trust. Tawakal.

This can be a lengthy post, but I think I better sleep now. Tomorrow I have to drive alone for a 4-hr journey.

Dr Love mode off.