Raya rambles

It has been more than one month since I last wrote something. I started this post with nothing in mind, hoping something will come up eventually. Today is the third day of Raya. I woke up a bit late than the previous days, as I have nothing planned. Checked the tweets, nothing interesting. Checked facebook, even more boring. Raya posts are everywhere. I have event invitations that I have yet to reply, for fear that I will disappoint them. I am most likely unable to attend their weddings. It can't be helped. I am stuck up here while most of my friends are down south. Every year, without fail, my dad will state the obvious: "Kakyang je yang kawan tak datang raya kan." Sigh. What can I do? I've got friends all around the world, but very few are from this hometown of mine.

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Today is 6 Syawal. I planned to get on with my neverending work but I ended up spending the day with my adorable nephew. Sis and BIL are going back tomorrow. I'm going to miss my nephew. Oh yesterday a few male colleagues came beraya at my house, (making it a total of 4 guests this raya) Sis: "Asyik lelaki je datang raya ni. Semua nak mengorat kau ke." Contrary to my sister's ridiculous assumption, not every guy I know would like to date me. Girl-school problem: Tak ada kawan lelaki, bising, takut lesbo. Ada kawan lelaki, bising jugak. Haih. I used to enjoy the attention I get from guys (assuming there is any). But that was then. Zaman kegedikan, zaman jahiliah. Haha. I love flirting because it is undeniably fun, but now I know better not to. I am not fond of the attention anymore, to the point where I find them annoying. I actually make an effort to keep a low profile. I thought it won't be hard, for someone as ordinary and regular looking as myself. I soon realised though, it was not that easy.

Firstly, I have to go against myself. I like fun, beautiful things. So naturally, I like dressing up. I like fashion. But I can't overdo it as it can initiate those unwanted attention. Tabarruj is a no-no. Google if you don't know what that means.

Secondly, it's my mother. She does not like it when I wear dull clothings, "Does not suit your age," she said. The multicoloured baju kurung she bought me this Raya said it all. I think she is kind of worried since I always look messy and unpresentable, I will probably keep away potential candidates and end up forever alone.

Thirdly, it's the age. I am at the stage where, how should I put this, if we were in the animal kingdom, this age would be the mating season. Everyone is either seeking for a partner, courting or settling down and expanding the brood. Those looking for a mate will be more alert of their surroundings and will probably notice anything that moves, despite our best effort to be invisible.

Fourth, the environment. Should I work in a big hospital in Selangor or KL or Johor, I can probably get away as a silent, forgettable face. But my current hospital is a small one, and since I am not from around there, with my fake Utagha accent, it is hard to get away unnoticed.

Okay, lets be real. I don't want to be invisible, not to that extent, no. I want to be noticed, but for the right reasons and by the right people. Some of you may misunderstood my point here. I am not saying I'm like a popular face ke apa, geez, if I am that attractive I'd be married by now. Haha. No, I am still the ugly betty you guys know.

Rather than avoiding unnecessary attention (there really isn't any, at the moment, if you guys are wondering), I think this is more about myself trying hard not to succumb to the need to impress people. The more I think about it, the more I realised that perhaps I should just try to focus on getting His attention, by then I will probably won't even notice or be bothered by these trivial things.

My grammar is horrible. Too lazy to proofread though.