2014

My wish for 2014 is simply...

To fall in love.

To fall so hard till I can never get out of it. 

Head over heels. 

Total surrender.

To fall completely, utterly in love, with...

The One and Only God, Allah. 

With Islam.

May He ease the way.

Menjaga hati

Kalau nak tahu, bila bayangkan hati aku, aku selalu bayangkan macam bulan. Bukan, bukan bulan berseri cerah gemilang terbilang yang pungguk rindukan tu. Ini bulan yang berdebu, berlubang, berkawah-kawah dan yang paling penting, bulan yang bulat. Hati sebenarnya antara organ terbesar dalam badan kita. Bebel info fisiologi sikit boleh kan? Selalu orang sebut hati padahal nak maksudkan jantung. Ok takpe kita ikut pemahaman orang ramai. 

Kenapa bulan? Kenapa bulat? Kenapa bukan heart-shaped macam selalu orang lukis setiap kali bagi kad atau sebelah tandatangan konon comel tu? 

Sebab hati aku selalu berbolak balik. 

Penat bila ada hati macam ni. Sentiasa goyang. Kena angin sikit, terus goyah. Golek. Golek sikit patah balik takpe jugak. Takut kalau golek jauh, dan sampai tempat yang tak sepatutnya. Hujung dunia misalnya. Tepi tebing. Bila-bila masa sahaja boleh jatuh. Hai hati yang bulat. 

Wahai hati, anda kan jenis memilih, jadi bila anda buat keputusan untuk jatuh, tolong pilih tempat yang terbaik. Sebab kadang-kadang dah jatuh susah nak bangun balik. Anda pulak keras macam batu. Jatuh tempat keras, boleh pecah seribu. Tapi mujur sel hati boleh tumbuh balik (fisiologi). Sedikit harapan di situ.

Berdebu.

Berlubang-lubang.

Penuh titik hitam.

Kotor.

Jeles dengan sesetengah orang, Hati mereka suci. Bila hati suci, pandangan pon ikut sama bersih. Hidup gembira. Aku tengah berusaha bersihkan hati kotor ni. Penat, kadang-kadang dah sapu, lepas tu main debu lagi. Sapu, kotor balik. Tapi dengan izinNya, aku tak boleh berhenti mencuba. Dia benci orang yang putus asa. Aku nak masuk golongan yang Dia cinta, bukan yang dibenci.

Doakan hati yang bulat ini.
Semoga bulat bulan setia pada buminya, bukan bulat bergolek sini sana.
Semoga bersinar bagai purnama, tak nampak lagi kawah debunya.

Aku dah buat blog ni macam diari. Sigh. 

Azam? (not a person)

It is not often that I suddenly want to do something I usually am reluctant to do (e.g. the marathon I joined in Oct-more on this when I have the mood), so I have to jot this down. You've got to have sort of like a 'black & white' on stuff like this so people can criticize you later if you don't live up to the things you said you'd do. Take it as a motivation. Oh but I don't really care what people say so it won't be as effective on me..hmm..

Anywayyyy...here's a list of things I want to do (am not going to call it resolutions because it will look more serious that way..okay, I admit, I hate expectations):

1. Cook more. Surprised? The truth is, I just read a cooking blog and all of the menu looks so pretty and delicious, I want to eat them so bad that I may have to make them myself. Besides, I almost never touched the frying pan ever since I moved back in with Emak (6 months ago). She did all the cooking, obviously. In my (almost) 26 years of life, I have only baked two or three times, so I think I should probably try to bake more...I don't fancy baking though...but the cakes are so tempting...perhaps a cake that needs no baking? Haha. We shall see how this will turn out. 

2. Read more. I initially wanted to write 'study more' but it sounds too heavy, and a bit limited. I want to improve my clinical and pharmaceutical knowledge, as pledged to in our Code of Conduct for pharmacists (refer chapter 1.7 Continuing Education). Bahahaha. Okay, seriously. Anyone can dispense drugs. What's so hard about handing out meds? There is a reason why a pharmacy is no longer called apothecary/dispensary and that pharmacists are now referred to as the drug experts. Therefore I have to work hard to live up to the title (konon). Dahlah I have a memory of a goldfish. But lets not be whiny. I am glad that my job requires me to learn.

However, as much as I admire my good intention to study for the sake of the profession, most of my reading materials are always unrelated to my job/studies/textbooks. I tend to read those that I am not required to. I just bought a book on relativity. Emak komen dulu masa sekolah tak nak pulak belajar fizik sekarang baru sibuk. Haha. Lately, though, I noticed I don't read as often as I used to. Work/sleep/social media is taking over my used-to-be favourite pastime activity. I think I have to start reading again. I feel like I'm becoming more stupid these days.

3. Less social media. I have a love-hate relationship with social medias. Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. I'm still undecided, but I have a feeling 'hate' is going to win the battle. This remains to be seen. 

This is it.  For now. I will update the list if I suddenly have this random reflection moment like today. Till then!

Hanoi, when September ends

A lot has happened since my last post.

I had a quick trip to Hanoi, Vietnam. It was awesome. It was Amy's plan, and we sort of just went with it. Just a short getaway cum bachelorette's trip for Sumir who's going to be married this coming Dec. Oh due to an unavoidable circumstance, I won't be able to make it to her wedding. Or Suz's. Yes they share the same wedding date. Truly best friends. It is so unfortunate that I can't go to both. Sorry buddies!

We took early morning flight to Hanoi. After 3-hour flight we arrived at the international airport. One of our first crisis was when we couldn't find the driver who was supposed to pick us up and bring us to the hotel. The fact that we can only contact our agent, Luan (Amy's couchsurfer buddy), through facebook was not really helpful either. Luckily though, we bumped into the driver at the other exit.

Apart from those working in tourism business (tour guides, hotel staffs), Vietnamese in Hanoi do not speak much English. However since Luan pretty much had everything arranged for us, the whole trip went quite well. That's the big advantage of travelling with agents. You get to not think. Just chill. Less adventurous, though. I've had my fair share of planning and travelling on my own as well as with travel agents. I couldn't decide on which one is better, it really depends on what you want from the trips.

Back to Hanoi, I'll just let the pictures do most of the talking.

Hanoi's architecture is unique, every bulding looks about the same especially in the Old Quarter.

The infamous Hanoi traffic. Seriously, you've got to have good tolerance to noise, and traffic in general, to live in the city. Every now and then you'll hear horns because they use it just to say, like, "Hey, I'm here on your left, try not to hit me." or "Hey, it's my turn to move." The good thing is since everyone does not seem to follow any of the road rules, they have to drive slowly and be considerate of other vehicles. Speaking from experience, do bear in mind that traffic lights were only applicable to cars, not motorcyclists.

 I don't fancy the city. So let's just head straight to Halong Bay, shall we. We took the cruise which stopped at Dau Go Cave. The stalactites and stalagmites were amazing. Subhanallah. But I hate the colourful lights. They make the whole thing looked fake. Like it was man-made. They even installed a small water fountain near to what's supposed to be Romeo & Juliet's-shaped stalactites. Too touristy already. I'm all into au naturale. 

Halong Bay, as expected, was breathtaking. Fell in love with Mother Nature yet again. Allah is Great.  

Not to forget, we finally get to have the famous Vietnam filter coffee. A must try! 

One of the best parts of our trip was the Cat Ba Island. We spent one night at the Cat Ba Beach Resort, which has just been opened in May so everything is new. Better yet, the resort has its own private beach.

At the end of our trip, Amy finally got her wish granted. She originally wanted to go to Hanoi after seeing a photo of Halong Bay with this beautiful classic tongkang in it. So there you go. 

Letak gelas

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

I once told my Emak about this story that I read from a facebook post and now once in a while she will say to me, "Letak gelas!" 

I know most of the time we can't help it but to worry about things, but seriously, what is the use of worrying? I remember this one quote;

"Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere."

Exactly. It doesn't do anything. So might as well we stop worrying about things we can do nothing about. Just let go. Letak gelas tu. 

And from a tweet and a facebook post that I came across;

"My heart is at ease knowing what is meant for me will never miss me and what misses me was never meant for me."  - @RealUsamah

 "Worry is a direct consequence of relying on your own efforts." - Yasmin Mogahed

 In the end it all comes down to our faith. :)

I now understand why they said Islam will simplify your life.

What a mess

If I were to write all of the things currently going on in my head, I bet many of you would scratch your head. A lot of it ends with a question mark, most are incomprehensible, all over the place and pretty chaotic. Luckily I made a brain filter, so most of the mess remained trapped inside, safely hidden from strangers' eyes.

I believe, overall, I'm a simple person. However, like what my brother just told me last night, I have a complicated mind. In my defense, most women tend to overthink. But then my brother said I'm not normal and told Emak to do some brainwashing on me. Emak backed me up, saying "She just thinks a lot, and differently from others." 

Right.

Oh well.

All of this makes me think (I'm sorry i can't help it, I don't have good control over my brain activity lol) of this sentence:

"Tidakkah kamu berfikir?" 

Sounds familiar? It was repeated countless time in the Quran, in many context. To list a few;







So there you go.

I'm just doing what I'm told to - think. Haha.

Here's hoping everyone can think like Jason Mraz and see this mess as a beautiful one, despite all the chaotic thoughts. Haha.

Kerana aku selalu lupa #16

 

"To each of you We prescribed a law and a method. Had Allah willed, He would have made you one nation [united in religion], but [He intended] to test you in what He has given you; so race to [all that is] good. To Allah is your return all together, and He will [then] inform you concerning that over which you used to differ." 5:48

So sad with what's happening in Egypt. Yes it is a test, but in a way I think it is a blessing in disguise. I keep wondering how it would be like if I were in their shoes. To abandon all worldly pleasures and just focus on jihad fisabilillah. Here I am comfortably sitting on my chair, rambling on my blog (which no one read anyway), while those Egyptians on the other hand, go out everyday with the possibility of dying any second. Death is constantly on their mind.

Live like you're dying.

Hence the blessing in disguise. The situation they are in acts like a constant reminder of how we can only depend on Allah.

"Sufficient for us is Allah , and [He is] the best Disposer of affairs." 3:173

How great it is to be in that kind of environment? I mean, being constantly reminded of Him.  Being close to Him. Every breath, every second.

As for yours truly, I wake up everyday thinking of what to do at work, what to eat for lunch, then dinner, who to spend the rest of my life with, then how many days it is for the weekend to arrive. How simple. How convenient.


How foolish.