The closest thing to us

For the first time ever in my life, I cried while driving. Like the scenes you see in those dramas. I can't remember the last time I cried that much. I just..let it out. I tried so hard to hold my tears back while I was having my lunch, but I didn't think I did it that well since the waitress actually stared at me. I must have looked like a weird, crazy woman, sobbing through my lunch. I didn't care. I had been distracting myself with work that morning, trying my best not to be bothered by what happened, but I just couldn't contain it any longer after I finished my work.

I was getting ready to go to KL when Bangah's text came in,

"Tak payah datang. Tunggu je kat rumah."

Then my SIL Whatsapp-ed,

"Ayahcik dah tiada."

Innalillahi wainna ilahi rajiun. What else could I say? We belong to Him and to Him we shall return.

We were caught off guard. It was too sudden. He was just warded on Tuesday. He passed away yesterday. The whole five-day period was just...lightning fast.

I couldn't forget what he said when I visited him in KPJ last Thursday,

"Selamat Pengantin Baru."

The first person ever to wish me, as if he knew he wouldn't be able to make it on the real day. I told him it was still a long time to go for my wedding, I reassured him that he would get better soon, InsyaAllah.

Little did I know that He has better plans for all of us. He loves him more.

First it was Wan, then Atuk, then Mak Teh, then yesterday, Ayahcik followed suit. I get what Emak always said now, regarding getting older. One of the things I hate most happened to be the thing that we have absolutely no control of - death of loved ones. The older you get, the higher the chances that you have to witness or be involved in such difficult situations.

 "The closest thing to a man is death." - Imam Al-Ghazali