10..9...8..7..6..5..

Let the countdown begins!

I still remember a question from a friend, not too long ago, about my expectations from marriage. Honestly, I don't know what to expect. I like to think of myself as a realist. I know, I know, this is not entirely true but can you just let me get away with it this time? Haha. Realists have a firm grip on reality and can see things for what they are, not what they are told they are. 

Despite the rather unexpected and unfathomable storyline that led me to tying the knot in approx 5 days from now, I remain sceptical about marriage fairytales. I do believe in happily-ever-after, but my definition of eternal happiness, or even just happiness itself may not be the same as yours or most women's. 

So hmm, expectations..

1. Challenge. Obviously, marriage will be a huge challenge for any of us. This goes without saying. So I kind of expect a fair share of troubles/obstacles coming my way along with the vows made.  However with every challenge, comes, hopefully, growth. We shall grow beautifully together- isn't that is why there is such a thing as marriage?
2. Freedom. Yes, you read that right. Contrary to most (especially men), I expect freedom from getting married. I do understand the increased level of commitment, however, at the same time I think it will be liberating. From fitnah, mostly. I've had enough of gossips, matchmaking, scandals, etc. I am at that point where all those flirtings are no longer flattering. It is annoying. Especially when it comes from married men. Seriously, guys, get a hold of yourself. On another note, I also expect to be free to roam around planet earth, with the husband of course. I've always wanted to travel but is restricted simply because I'm a woman. It's hard for me to get permission from the parents to travel, even with a few girlfriends. Solo travel is out of the question. So mr husband is my only hope. Teehee. 

That's all I can think of for now. 

Marriage has always been a part of my life plan but I've never really looked or searched for love. To be honest, for me somehow love just happened to be around. Back then, I didn't expect to get into relationships, but then someone showed up. A few years ago I casually put a target to end my single life the latest at 27 years old, without any real plans, and looked where I am now. Marriage was not my biggest concern until I was about to get engaged last year, but alhamdulillah, He knows better. 

Love happens. Just as shit happens.

Seek, look for it, or stay still.

Doesn't matter.

If it's meant to be, it will be.

Kerana aku selalu lupa #17

Bahagia itu dari Dia.

Sedih itu dari Dia. 

Nah, sekarang kau tahu, 

Nak minta, mengadu pada siapa.

Here comes the Ys

Can I be totally honest?
Who am I kidding..Of course I can't. You'll never know who'll end up reading all the stupid ramblings you post online. But I'll be as honest as I can. As I always am.

Curious me really loves the question 'Why?' For me it's the most important W compared to the other four. Who cares about who, what, when or where. When it comes to life, we are the seekers of the reason why.

If Allah wills, I'll be married in a month's time. The event invites were out, and most of the replies I got (in private) came with the ultimate question. I wish I have the perfect answer for everyone, I really do. Just like you guys, I'd also like to know the exact reason why. Even L is dying to know, I know, despite his effort to pretend like he did not care. Heh.

But He, the Most Knowing never really showed me the model answer sheet. So I still don't have the perfect answer. I got some clues and I can make a guess, but that's all there is to it. Such is life, people. We do not have the answer for everything. All we ever did in life was making guesses and hoping they are the correct answers.

Not knowing has its charms, don't you think? So we can continue to seek. To learn. To accept.

Okay I think it's 2nd Syawal blues. Ngantok. Off to bed. To continue my babbles later when I'm in the mood.

Still attached

How to cut loose?

6:32

I love Ice Blended Green Tea

I love ice blended green tea. 

It may not be the best drink out there, the cheapest nor healthiest, but I love it. 

You may think it’s too bland for your taste, too cold or just too weird, I don't care, you are entitled to your own opinion.

However if I want to order ice blended green tea, then let me be. 

I know how ice blended green tea is like - cold, bland and plain weird, 

but I find that suits my taste buds and I still like it.

Niat (part I)

Terdengar perbulan surau hari ni:

A: Cepatnya masa berlalu.. (sambil tengok jam)
B: Dah nak puasa dah.
A: Cepat masa berlalu, tak cukup amal lagi ni.
B: Sama lah, saya pon tak cukup lagi.
A: Kerja je dah 8 jam sehari, mana nak cukup amal. 

Rasa nak menyampuk, tapi orang tua bersembang tak baik menyampuk kalau mengikut adatnya. Lagipon tak kenal, saya kan pemalu. Hee.

Islam is a lifestyle, it's everything. Islam bukan hanya terletak pada solat, puasa, zakat, etc. Kerja, makan, tidur pon boleh jadi ibadah. Yang penting niat. But of course, kerja pon kenalah menepati hukum syarak, yang diredhai Allah.

Sebab tu buat apa pon, niat kerana Allah. Ruginya kalau tak niat keranaNya, semua jadi sia-sia.

Dalam hadis daripada Umar bin al-Khattab r.a, beliau berkata: Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda:

“Sesungguhnya setiap amalan itu hanya dengan niat. Dan sesungguhnya setiap orang hanya mendapat balasan mengikut apa yang diniatkan. Sesiapa yang berhijrah untuk mencari duniawi atau untuk mendapatkan wanita yang ingin dikahwini, maka (pahala) hijrahnya itu mengikut niatnya.” (Riwayat al-Bukhari).

Hmm, masyarakat dah biasa kaitkan agama hanya dengan hal fekah, syariat sahaja sedangkan agama tu cara hidup. Al-Quran sebagai guideline, Rasulullah S.A.W sebagai cikgu, contoh terbaik untuk kita ikut. Kat sinilah silapnya kita. Agama umumnya hanya dianggap sebagai salah satu subjek yang kena score A dalam exam. Aku macam tu lah dulu. Ingat lagi bila fail agama first test Tingkatan 1, ayah tanya, "Awak ni Islam ke tak?" Haha.

Entah sejak bila, Alhamdulillah diberi kefahaman sikit pasal Islam. Taklah study agama hanya untuk pass exam je. Sebab tu nak bagitahu, sebab dulu aku tak tahu. Rasa dia macam bila Air Asia ke MAS ke ada sale murah. Kena bagitahu orang. Kot-kot la ada orang lain yang tak tahu.

Sekarang dalam proses nak tahu lagi, nak faham lagi. It is not about just a religion. We are talking about life, the reason of our existence, our Creator. I don't feel right that we often take this matter lightly. Ala kadar je. Padahal itulah segalanya.

Tak dapat bebel kat makcik surau, bebel sini pulak. Haha.

Hmm. Tak kisahlah. Semoga bermanfaat. :)

The closest thing to us

For the first time ever in my life, I cried while driving. Like the scenes you see in those dramas. I can't remember the last time I cried that much. I just..let it out. I tried so hard to hold my tears back while I was having my lunch, but I didn't think I did it that well since the waitress actually stared at me. I must have looked like a weird, crazy woman, sobbing through my lunch. I didn't care. I had been distracting myself with work that morning, trying my best not to be bothered by what happened, but I just couldn't contain it any longer after I finished my work.

I was getting ready to go to KL when Bangah's text came in,

"Tak payah datang. Tunggu je kat rumah."

Then my SIL Whatsapp-ed,

"Ayahcik dah tiada."

Innalillahi wainna ilahi rajiun. What else could I say? We belong to Him and to Him we shall return.

We were caught off guard. It was too sudden. He was just warded on Tuesday. He passed away yesterday. The whole five-day period was just...lightning fast.

I couldn't forget what he said when I visited him in KPJ last Thursday,

"Selamat Pengantin Baru."

The first person ever to wish me, as if he knew he wouldn't be able to make it on the real day. I told him it was still a long time to go for my wedding, I reassured him that he would get better soon, InsyaAllah.

Little did I know that He has better plans for all of us. He loves him more.

First it was Wan, then Atuk, then Mak Teh, then yesterday, Ayahcik followed suit. I get what Emak always said now, regarding getting older. One of the things I hate most happened to be the thing that we have absolutely no control of - death of loved ones. The older you get, the higher the chances that you have to witness or be involved in such difficult situations.

 "The closest thing to a man is death." - Imam Al-Ghazali